From a letter to my daughter
Love, It came to me suddenly, earlier, to ask you if you were still keen to have children, as you have often said
I need to be very clear that I am not trying to persuade you, influence you in any way. I know you could not be influenced anyway. But maybe you not mind looking at it together, or at least replying to some questions?
It came to me to ask, (assuming that you feel the same as you have expressed in the past) whether you want babies, or if you want children? You understand the difference? Babies imply pregnancy, giving birth, feeding, cuddling, watching as they go through their 'stages' ….. crawling, walking, learning to talk …... and then? They cease to be babies, instead they start the journey into what might be called 'selfdom'. It might be said they start to become independent but that is not true. They only go through the process of trying to become independent of YOU. They become more and more influenced by the world about them, and to moderate that influence, to help them understand it, is becoming more and more difficult in this world. In my more pessimistic moments I am tempted to say an impossible task. There are whole industries out there seriously devoted to maximising that influence, so much so that “influence” becomes a hopelessly inadequate word. The spin doctors, the brain-washers, the “hidden persuaders”, the religious fanatics . . . .
They don't give a damn for the welfare of your child, although they pretend they do, they produce cleaver arguments that they do. What they want is to addict them to smoking, make them consume rubbish food although it will destroy their health, their bodies, get them to regard Cocacola and the like as ordinary everyday drinks, buy the cellphones, the ipads which …... well, you must have read the article “Digital heroin” that I sent.
Sorry, getting carried away. But these are just some of the conditioning that your children, when/if you have them, will be subject to. And as they succumb, they will not feel like your children at all. Where will you hide them away from it all, love? How will you protect them? Where will you live? In a country that forces them to be immunised with deadly toxins? A country where you will get thrown into prison if you insist on not sending them to school?
Have you ever read Krishnamurti's words about raising children with such care, until they are five or so, and then “throw them to the wolves”?
Sorry love, hope you are not offended, but just wondering to what extent you have pondered such issues? It is all part of 'having children'. Being a parent. And I cannot forever censor myself for fear of causing offence to you. In fact that would be insulting to you, assuming that you would not want to examine things without me to prod you.
You might think this business of raising children is just intellectual with me now, but it is not. I often discuss with Hans the problems he experiences trying to raise the two children he has taken on. It is so, so difficult. If he (I am not in a position to talk about the mother) tries to restrict, or limit their access to the things they are drawn to (those things invariably being wild excitement, violence, loosing themselves in entertainment, fighting each other . . . . ) he is disdained, regarded as an old fuddy-duddy, a kill-joy. While their biological father seduces them with all night videos, meat-eating, and wanting to take them hunting. And of course the grandparents do the usual 'spoiling', and in addition surreptitiously try to brain-wash them into Christianity – recently the grandfather gave Dominique $20 if he would learn certain verses from the bible.
Just to go into town with children is to walk the gauntlet of overtly sexual posters, the insane allurements of toy shops, the the grotesque, the vulgarity, the grotesque movie posters, the carefully crafted appeals to consume, consume,
Everyone is working very diligently to control the mind of your child. Even the corner shops with their tempting display of coloured sugar.
Krishnamurti once said “_Everything is against one” (leading an intelligent life), and nowhere is this more true that for the parent.
Ok, enough. Yes love, would love to talk with you. Not Wednesday evening, and if it's an afternoon give me some notice.
Still a parent at heart.